Our house.Our future?

It usually starts with a sentence that sounds casual. We should talk about the house.

Everyone at the table knows it isn’t casual. The house is where the holidays happened. It’s where the growth marks are on the kitchen door frame. It’s where Grandma’s chair still sits by the window. And for many Black families, it’s also the single largest thing the family owns.

Why the house carries so much

When the Federal Reserve surveyed American families in 2022, Black household wealth had grown faster than any other group’s since 2019. Analysts at the Brookings Institution noted that much of that growth came from home equity. For many of our families, the house isn’t one asset among many. It is the family’s wealth.

That’s why the house deserves more planning than almost anything else we own, and why it so often gets less.

Four people, four assumptions

Here’s a scene that plays out in families everywhere. The parents pass. There are four adult children.

• The oldest assumes the house stays in the family. It’s the homeplace.
• The second assumes it gets sold and split four ways. That’s only fair.
• The third has been living there for the last three years, taking care of Mama. She assumes she’ll stay.
• The youngest has been quietly paying the property taxes. He assumes that counts for something.

Nobody is wrong to feel what they feel. The problem is that nobody said any of it out loud while the parents were alive to answer.

The paper behind the house

Before the family decides what should happen, it helps to know what will happen under the current paperwork. Three things to check:

Whose name is on the deed? It’s surprisingly common for a deed to carry the name of someone who died years ago. Many county recorder or register of deeds offices let you search records online. Look it up.

How is it owned? If two people own it “as joint tenants with right of survivorship,” the survivor usually owns it outright. If it’s owned by one person, it will pass under that person’s will, or under the state’s default rules if there’s no will. In many states, an owner can also record a transfer-on-death deed, which names who receives the house at death while the owner keeps full control during life. A trust is another option.

Is there a mortgage? A mortgage doesn’t disappear at death. But federal law generally prevents a lender from demanding full payment just because a home passed to a relative after the borrower died. If you inherit a home with a mortgage, contact the servicer, tell them about the death, and ask to be confirmed as a successor in interest so you can get information and keep the loan current.

When there’s no plan: heirs’ property

When a home or land passes without a will, generation after generation, it can become what’s called heirs’ property. Instead of one clear owner, many relatives each own an undivided fraction of the whole. Over time, that can be dozens of people, some of whom don’t know they’re owners.

Heirs’ property is fragile. It can be hard to get a mortgage, insurance payouts, or disaster assistance without clear title. In some situations, one heir or an outside buyer of one heir’s share can ask a court to force the sale of the entire property. The U.S. Department of Agriculture has called heirs’ property the leading cause of involuntary land loss among Black Americans. Researchers estimate that millions of acres of Black-owned land across the South are held this way.

There is some good news. More than 20 states have adopted the Uniform Partition of Heirs Property Act, which gives families more protection, including a chance to buy out a relative’s share before a forced sale. Legal aid organizations and heirs’ property centers in many Southern states help families clear title. And the best protection of all is simple: a will, or a deed arrangement, that names who inherits.

The four real options

When a family inherits a house, the choices usually come down to four:

1. Keep it together. Everyone stays on title, and the family shares costs. This works best with a written agreement about who pays what and who can use it.
2. One buys out the others. The person who wants the house pays the others their share, often with a new mortgage.
3. Rent it. The house becomes an income property. This takes management, repairs, and clear rules about splitting income and costs.
4. Sell it and split the proceeds. Sometimes this is the healthiest choice for everyone, and it’s still a way of passing on wealth.

There’s no wrong answer. There’s only an unplanned one.

Having the conversation

If you’re the owner, the kindest thing you can do is decide, write it down, and tell your family why. If you want the house to stay in the family, say how that should work. If you’d rather it be sold, say so. Your reasons will matter to them later.

If you’re an adult child, start by asking, not proposing. “What do you picture happening to the house?” is a question almost any parent can answer.

And whatever you do, keep paying the property taxes and the insurance while the family decides. Many homes are lost not to arguments but to missed bills.

We should talk about the house. Yes, we should. The house held us. Let’s make sure it holds the next generation too.